


Can You Communicate Through an Ouija Board if You’re not Dead?

by Sassy_Dinosaur



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel, Angel Mojo, Archangel Gabriel (Supernatural), Caring Castiel, Crappy Motel Rooms, Dean Being an Asshole, Established Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Gabriel isn't Dead but Sam Doesn't Know, Inspired By Tumblr, M/M, Ouija, POV Gabriel, Protective Gabriel, Sad, Sad Fluff, Sad Sam, Sam Has an Eating Disorder, Suicidal Sam, Suicide Attempt, Talking To Dead People, happy-ish ending, sam uses an ouija board, you'll see it if you squint
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-03-31 01:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3958945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassy_Dinosaur/pseuds/Sassy_Dinosaur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel’s been dead for six months and Sam’s not taking it well. He bought an Ouija board in hopes of contacting with Gabriel. Dean tells him he’s crazy for getting the board, Gabe’s not going to be on the other side… or will he?</p><p>Trigger Warning for:<br/>suicide<br/>depression<br/>eating disorders in later chapters</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What Harm Can it Do?

**Author's Note:**

> %%%All notes at the end%%%

SAM’S P.O.V.

It probably wasn't a good idea, getting this board. I mean come on! Dean’s right, nothing’s going to happen.

“But what if this was Cas?” I’d asked. He’d stuttered about Cas and him just being friends. I know they’re not, it’s painfully obvious they’re together.

So I get the board, just to try, ‘What harm can it do?’ I’d thought. I didn't take into account the emotional pain I would feel if it worked.

GABRIEL’S P.O.V.

So… maybe I’m not dead, but at least Sammy's safe. Right? No. Sam loves me and I died, well not really but he saw a dead body and wings, my burnt wings! I wish I could take it all back, all of it. All the heartbreak Sammy must feel now. All the heartbreak I feel watching him deteriorate into a shell of the Sammy I know, watching him instead of begging for forgiveness and telling him how much I love him. I want to take away the rude comments Dean’s been making. I want to scream at Dean for everything he’s said about us since I died… six months ago. If only I could talk to Sam, tell him I love him. One last goodbye before I go into hiding, hopefully only until Luci’s out of the picture.

#######

Sam got an Ouija Board today, I have no idea what he plans to do with that. If he’s trying to contact me he’s in for a surprise. I guess he really thinks I’m dead this time. Oh father, what have I done? 

This could be a way for us to talk though. That last goodbye, last I love you.

#######

As Sam sets up the board I watch, I may have also done something to make sure I’m the only one talking to Sammy. Only the two of us can touch the pointer… thingy. Hey, I may be an Archangel, but I don’t know everything.

Sam looks so sad as he sets, his movement graceful in his own moose-human way, but sluggish and slow. He looks exhausted, not tired, but emotionally exhausted. He puts candles everywhere to lighted the room, the way Pamela had done when she was trying to look at Cas, she really should have listened. Sams wearing old, worn low riding, jeans. The T-shirt hes wearing is the one I got him When we first started dating, it has a tribal wing design printed on the front, and an impressively loose fitting flannel. For his size its impressive when anything is loose fitting.

Sam starts asking me to contact him through the board, i’m reluctant, but I went through all the trouble to ward the thing of anybody but us, so why not?

“Gabe?¨ Sam asks quietly

I move the pointer - that's what I’m calling it - to ‘yes’ in the corner. Sam’s face looks shocked, but unimpressed. True, something could pretend to be me, but not now.

¨If this is really you Gabriel, what did call me on our first date?¨

Easy Sammoose! I move the pointer from the ‘S’ to the ‘A’ and so on, spelling out Sammoose. After I spell it out Sam’s face lights up, but the sadness is still there.

¨Hi Gabe, I miss you.¨ With the pointer I spell out ‘Hey Sammy miss you too’. Sam actually sheds a tear, just the single tear. I’m sure more will be shed by both of us before the night's over.

¨Why you have to go Gabe?¨ Sam sobs. I spell out ‘To protect you’ on the board, I know it’s not what he wants to hear, but it’s the truth. That’s what Sam and I did, told the truth.

Sammy’s face crumbles. I know that he feels like this is his fault and that yet another person died for him. The guilt he feels probably has already started eating away at him. He hasn't eaten in three days and hasn't been sleeping much, just enough to Dean at bay. The guilt of death has always been hard for him to handle. I'm resisting the urge to hug Sam and never let him go. He looks miserable, like when Jess died, even like when Dean died, the first time. Sam is rambling on about something too quiet for even me to hear. ‘What?’ I spell out on the board. A few stray tears slide down Sam's cheeks, and I will not deny I’m crying right now too.

¨I said¨ he sniffs, ¨I thought I was going to grow old with you Gabe.¨ Those stray tears turned into a nonstop flow of tears. His body was being shaking horribly with sobs. 

‘Me too’ is all I can say, or spell, before I’m sobbing across from Sam, He still can’t see or hear me.

“I love you Gabe” Sam says, he gathered himself a little to say that.

‘Love you too kiddo’ I spell out just as we hear the familiar rumble of the Impala’s engine. I make sure Sammy is okay enough for Dean to handle I sit in a chair on the far end of the motel room to watch over Sammy. Cas will be here soon to do the same for Dean. Sammy doesn't try to make it look like he’s happy when Dean walks through the door, drunk. He sits on his crappy motel bed, his back to Dean, staring at the wall in front of him. As I watch Sam I see him glance, every one on a while, at his duffle bag with a look that makes my stomach do cartwheels.

Dean walks over to Sam, obviously very drunk, asking Sammy wants to go out and pick up some chick. Sam glares at Dean, daggers on his eyes, “No!” is all Sam says. He is clearly trying to keep himself from crying in front of Dean, but the inconsiderate jerk that is Dean Winchester won’t lay off. I can’t help either, I’m supposed to be dead, so I’m forced to watch as Dean breaks Sam more, little by little. Sam walks into the motels tiny bathroom, locking the door behind him. Dean huffs a laugh and passes out, still drunk on his own bed. I hope he gets a bad hangover!

It isn't until almost an hour later that Sam exits the bathroom, visibly relaxing when he sees Dean asleep on his bed. Sam is now wearing the same shirt and flannel from earlier, but he’s changed into sweat pants. The loose fitting clothing hides how much weight Sammy’s lost lately. 

Cas pops in, invisible as well. He knows I’m alive, and is very vocal about how I should have done this, but I had to if I wanted Sammy safe.

“Hi Cas” I hadn't realized until I spoke, but I sound as bad as Sam looks. Cas must have heard it too.

“Sam will be fine” He says

“No he won’t” I hiss “He’s lost three pounds in the last five days and won’t sleep, he will never be fine as long as he thinks I’m dead. I shouldn't have done this.” Cas nods in agreement to the last statement.

We sit in silence for what feels like hours, it probably is, watching over our humans.

“Tell Dean to lay of Sam. He’s- he’s not doing well and Dean’s not helping by trying to get him laid.”

Cas nods, disappearing, to where I guess is Dean’s dream.

As I watch Sammy sleep I realize just how restless his sleep is. It started with a little stir, then he started grunting almost coherent words. It ended with him jerking awake looking around calling my name. Oh Father, when he can’t find me, probably hoping the last six months were just a nightmare, he lays back down on the pillows, falling back into more restless sleep.The rest of the night is a blur of restless Sam and internal guilt, for everything I’m doing to Sammy by being dead, slowly eating away at my insides.

#######

When Sammy wakes up he looks slightly worse than yesterday, if possible. His hair's a mess, his eyes vacant and dead looking, he’s not smiling like he normally does right after waking up. I miss his smile, and not to get poetic but… his smile was like a beautiful sunset in the Caribbean, beautiful and unique in every way. 

I now sit on the wall next to his bed, only feet away from his duffel bag. I still get an odd feeling when Sam looks at it, it’s the feeling I get when somethings wrong. Is something bad going to happen?

#######

Cas leaves as Dean wakes up, obviously hungover - serves him right! Sam had barricaded himself in the bathroom when Dean started ranting about Sam needing to get laid. If I could I would drop kick Dean right now for that. Cas pops back in around noon to help the Dean with the newest hunt.

Just as Cas is about to leave there's a loud thump from the bathroom where Sam has been since this morning rant from Dean, that was close to four hours ago. Cas and Dean walk over to the door, cautiously knocking on the door.

“Dean I can’t go in, it’s warded” Cas says with worry in his voice. Dean tries the knob, locked.

I hadn't realized it until now, but Sam duffel is gone. This can’t be good. Screw it! 

I make myself visible. Dean's face goes from shocked to furious. Cas just rolls his eyes?

“Son of a bitch! Gabriel?” Dean shouts

“Yes yes, I know, I’m alive. You’re pissed. Sam’s locked in there. Break down the freaking door!” Dean nods, charging at the door.

The door collides with his his shoulder, but no dice. After hopelessly trying to break down the door with his shoulder, Dean grabs the gun under Sam’s pillow, shooting the lock off. The door opens with a bang. Sam is lying on the bathroom floor with blood pooling around his wrists.

“SAM!” I hear myself scream. I must have used my ‘real voice’ too because the mirror and lights cracked and broke.

There’s another thump, this time it is Cas making Dean sleep. “Heal Sam, I’ll handle Dean” Cas says before disappearing with Dean.

I turn to Sam ,still lying on the floor, cradling his face with my hands. “Sammy? Sammy please wake up!” I plea. Sam’s eyes flutter open, looking at me unfocused with a smile, that beautiful smile I missed so much. I heal the wounds on his wrists with my ‘Angel Mojo’.

“Gabe?” Sam asks, his voice cracking. Tears stream down Sam’s face, and mine.

“Hey Sammy” I say, slightly muffled by my face being pressed into the crook of Sam’s neck. Sam is sways slightly from the blood loss, I can heal the wound but not the loss of blood.

“I missed you so much Gabe” Sam sobs

“I missed you too Sammy” My voice cracks as I speak. Sam goes tense in my arms, the sobbing stops. He looks like he’s piecing something together. Sammy’s quiet of a moment beginning to sob again.

“Sammy?”

“Oh God Gabe! Dean going to find me like this! He- he’ll think it’s his fault and-and-and-” Sam started hyperventilating.

“Sammy, no… you’re not dead” I said quietly

“What?”

“He knows you’re here… with me” I say still quiet, “I’m not dead” I whisper.

“N-no! you died- I saw it!” He sucked in a breath. “I held you in my arms” he whispers looking down at the two prominent scars on his wrists.

After what felt like years to me Sam snapped his head up, “The board, how?”. I began to explain how I warded the motel room and made sure we were the only ones that could touch the pointer. I told him I meant every word I said to him yesterday, explaining that that was supposed to be goodbye until it was safe, but now its not worth going into hiding, knowing what it is doing to the people I care about. “Sammy, I was on the other side of that board yesterday.” I assure him.

Sam sits deadpan in front of me, “Sammy?” I whisper. “Sammy please talk to me” I plead still whispering. I was afraid this would happen, he’d never speak to me again. Sam had every right to be mad. I did die in front of him.

Finally Sam speaks, “Do you have to leave again?”

“No!” I say truthfully, there’s no point going back into ‘hiding’ now. “I’m staying this time, for good.”

“Okay” Sam wraps his arms around my neck, it’s an awkward angle, but at the same time it’s perfect.

After Sammy cams down some more I pick him up. I might have a small vessel, but I’m still an Archangel. I fly us to one of my safe houses I used a lot when I was full-time Pagan God. Carefully I lay Sam down on the bed, using my ‘Angel Mojo’ to put Sam in more comfortable clothes.

#######

Sam wakes up almost an hour later, he is still drowsy and his soul still looks exhausted. He looks at me, a smile pulling slightly on his lips. “Hey Gabe” he yawns taking in his surroundings, “Where are we?”

“One Of Loki’s safe houses” I reply looking around the bedroom. Sam nods sitting up, he must be exhausted, it looks like it takes a lot of energy just to sit up.

“Where’s Dean?” Ah yes, the big brother! “With Cas” Sam nods again

“Sammy can I ask you something?” Sammy looks at me worried, but nods. “Why’d you do it? Why’d you try to kill yourself?” I’m not going to try stopping the tears behind my eyes or the wavering in my voice, caused by the lump in my throat. Sam stays silent, but his face looks concentrated, like he’s trying to find the words. 

“Gabe you were gone… you-you” Sam pauses, sighing heavily, “Deans and asshole and wouldn't leave me alone. I've lost everyone I love to something Supernatural, including you Gabe. I’m so tired of this cycle of death and heartbreak for me.” Sammy pauses again, “It’s too much Gabe”

Tears flow freely down from my eyes, I can’t- won’t hold them back anymore. Something inside me is crumbling, breaking. What do I do? I feel sick and dizzy, but the pain in my chest is agonizing. My soul is crying.

I looks into Sammy’s soul, his is crying as well. I wrap my arms around Sam's shoulders, cradling him. As we rock back and forth slightly I make soothing noises. A warm fuzzy feeling replaces the pain I felt earlier. Sammy’s soul looks better, almost happy.

Sammy is asleep in my arms, snapping I turn the lights off.


	2. Can't Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'abc' = Sam's thoughts  
> {abc} = Sam's negative thoughts
> 
> Possible Trigger Warning for eating disorders, not really sure this counts. Just being safe.

Sam’s POV

I wake up in- I don’t know where. The room is enormous, walls almost sparkling and a mirror ceiling above me, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so small in my life. I sit, taking in my surroundings; other than the walls and ceiling, the room looks normal.

Gabriel is laying next to me, ‘since when does he need sleep?’

#### 

“You hungry Sammy?” Gabriel yawns, I hadn’t realized my stomach is growling. ‘Crap.’

“No… You can’t be here! You’re dead!” ‘No nonononono. You're Dead! YOU’RE DEAD!’ {Ha, nope}

“No Sam, I’m alive I’m here. See” Gabriel grabbed my hand, gently placing it over his heart. I could feel the slight ‘thump thump’ of his heart on my palm. {You can’t even remember your boyfriend being alive. You’re pathetic!}

“Sammy?” Gabriel sounded worried “You okay?”

“Yeah… I’m fine” ‘No i’m not fine. I can’t remember anything!’ {he doesn’t love you. He’ll leave again if he finds out how weak you actually are!}

“Sammy you’re not ‘fine’. You’re soul is still crying, and if you don’t remember, you tried to kill yourself yesterday. What’s wrong?”

‘I did what yesterday?!’ {You tried to kill yourself! It was so pathetic. You can’t even do one thing right!} “I-I… tried to kill myself? You’re not dead? Where are we?”

Gabriel’s face twists in confusion, “Kiddo, what do you remember?”

“Um… you… died, then the Ouija board.” Why is this so hard to remember? “We talked through the board. Dean came home, I don’t remember anything after that…” {How sweet, you’re gonna cry for me too} I felt tears well up in my eyes and my throat constricts.

“Sammy? Hey it’s okay Sammy, look at me” He lifted my chin to look me in the eye, “It’s okay, we’ll figure this out” Gabriel kisses my forehead, loving warmth spreads throughout my body.

“You hungry?” And like that all the warmth in my body is replaced with bone-chilling cold, making me shiver. Of course Gabriel notices, “Sammy?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Let’s get something to eat” I cringe at my own words. I feel like I’m going to be sick, dread sits heavy in my gut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the wait guys, been kinda busy. I know this is short, but it's all I got right now. I 'll try to write more later, shooting for next Friday, if at all possible.


	3. My Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam hates his soul, but Gabriel loves it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS!  
> I'm NOT DEAD I PROMISE!
> 
>  
> 
> Here's a... Poem...

Me  
Sam Winchester

Son of John and Mary Winchester  
Brother of Dean Winchester  
Half-Brother of Adam… I forgot his last name.

Boyfriend of many dead woman; all of them my fault  
Ex-boyfriend of a dead demon   
Current boyfriend of a not dead, but used to be I think, archangel.

After everything I’ve done  
Everything I’ve ever done  
My soul has to be black and charred  
Possibly even not there anymore.

Even though Gabriel says it’s still there  
I don’t believe him.

He says it shines brighter than the sun  
A yellowish golden color mixed into the bright white of my soul.

I don’t believe him  
I want to  
But I don’t.

Gabriel says when he first met me,  
Something had shifted within my soul  
All the darkness surrounding it had vanished  
Leaving behind only white and golden beams of light.

According to Gabriel  
The middle,  
The very center of my soul  
Is pure gold with orangey flakes.  
He says it shows how far I’ve come and how much I am loved  
I don’t believe him.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey thanks for reading... I don't think I'm done with this just yet, but I don't know? Should I continue this?  
> Any suggestions on how to continue this?


End file.
